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Rambler's Top100


- The Swiss system Print E-mail

The Swiss system

It happened that the staff on my medical evacuation train was mostly female, with the exception of a few guards and the train crew. These were yesterday's schoolgirls now thrust into the role of nurses and medical aides. Their life was comprised solely of exhausting rides transporting wounded soldiers from the front and of waiting in rear areas to be sent back to the frontline for more wounded. Truth be told, during these waiting periods the girls led a mostly carefree existence. There were choir rehearsals, concerts for the locals, competitions with the choirs from other trains. Every evening they gathered in a cabin at the front of the train, which served as something like a club.

One night, the girls got into a debate over how to properly kiss and who among them is the best kisser. In the end, they decided to settle the debate with a competition, and as the only male in attendance that night I was nominated to be the judge. I made no attempts to resist, even though I had no experience whatsoever in the matter.

The seven kisses received during the first round left me perplexed - it was impossible to tell which one was the best. At that point, I spontaneously came up with something resembling the Swiss system and called for a second round. There, I eliminated Nina, who gently pecked me on the cheek and flew off to the far corner of the cabin in embarrassment.

After the third round I cut Vera - she didn't kiss me quite the way I'd expected. A few days later she told me that she just couldn't do it "properly" in front of all the others.

The final pair consistent of Second Lieutenant Tasja and a volunteer from Baku named Raja. Their kisses were top notch - long, and with embraces. The audience objected to the embraces, as they weren't mentioned in the rules of the competition, but I insisted that, as the train was rocking, I could only properly assess the quality of a kiss with proper body support. It was impossible to tell which girl was better. I kept calling for new rounds until the onlookers protested. In the end, I had to announce that both girls tied for first place.

When I woke up the next morning, I found myself facing a doctor's stare.

- What's the matter with your lips?

I wanted to say something, but just couldn't move my lips.

Translated by::
Gene Ostrovsky

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